Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
