Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
