You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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