I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A+ Viking dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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