Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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