the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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