He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
