I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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