Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
