So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
