its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
