Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize