hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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