Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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