Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
