her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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