based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
