You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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