I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
