508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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