i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
