its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
