I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
