there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
