PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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