I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
3 2 1 whiskey
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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