Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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