there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
