i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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