Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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