dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
