nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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