Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
