Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
