As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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