yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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