I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
