I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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