do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
