Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
