Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
