He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
