I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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