did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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