I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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