just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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