Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
