but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
