he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
