Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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