I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
