This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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