Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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