She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
