So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm really busy with my period
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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