Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm gonna have a badass scar
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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