Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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