i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
