i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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