In America we eat man semen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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