i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
