4 words: hood of his car
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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