I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
