Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
