Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
