When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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