Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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