I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
