Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize