Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
