I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
