Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
