i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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