Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
