Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
